Would you like paper or plastic, sir?

I promised myself I wouldn't use this forum as a place to rant. I should have known I wouldn't adhere to that self-imposed rule. I hope this rant doesn't encourage me to make other rants.

This seems a minor enough thing to most people, but I don't think it's minor, and I'm beginning to realize that many people — particularly men — agree with me.

I'm talking about those wretched, flimsy plastic bags that grocery stores hand out as an excuse for a way to transport purchased items out of their establishment. I'm no longer buying the argument that they are good for the environment. That's a big ruse, an obfuscation, a blatant lie. Did I mention I don't like plastic grocery bags?

I hate them so much I get mad just looking at them while I'm waiting in line to be checked out. If I owned a car, it wouldn't be so bad. Somehow, a car is a better host to those ridiculous things. A truck on the other hand isn't the right place to use those things. Any hope of getting home without having food spilled all over the place is nil.

Yesterday, I went in my favorite store and the cashier said, "paper or plastic, sir?" I gruffly replied, "paper, please, paper." She then told me, "we don't have paper." I reminded her that they had it yesterday.

"So what happened?" I asked. "Are you going to continue to charge your outrageous prices and then have the gall to insist on stuffing our groceries in those plastic bags from hell?" She then told me that the other cashiers had paper bags, but she was out of paper bags in her aisle. She commented that she had plenty of plastic bags. She made no mention of trundling her behemoth behind a couple of aisles over to "borrow" some paper bags.

That did it. I so wanted to remind her that I hoped they had plenty of customers because I wouldn't be back. But, then, I remembered that was my favorite store, even if one mango does cost $2.49. So I stifled myself, grabbed the plastic flapping excuse for a grocery bag and headed to the truck. Did it spill on the way home? Yep. Was it sticky? Yep. Was it the cashier's fault? Nope. Was it mine? Yep, mostly. I can choose not to shop there in the future. Or, I can choose to rant about it on here in hopes that it will start a mini-dissent against those blasted things. Men who don't have long fingernails have a particularly rough time in getting them open.

Okay, world, I've planted the seed. Down with plastic grocery bags.